Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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