I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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