12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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