I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
