Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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