I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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