Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
