I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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