I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
