I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
