he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
