dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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