I think I won the penis lottery.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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