I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
