I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
