I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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