he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
