apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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