1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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