Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
