i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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