I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
