Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
