i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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