So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
