Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
