Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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