I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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