Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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