and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
