Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
