before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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