no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
