I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
