would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
