so that wasnt chicken after all
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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