Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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