real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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