I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
