I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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