I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
