so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
