He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
