that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
