I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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