sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
