make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
