everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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