I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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