I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
