20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
