i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
