The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
